It's all about grace...

It's 5:30pm on Wednesday evening and I am cleaning up my desk, getting ready to head home and find myself reflecting on what He's been teaching me these past six weeks since I last posted. The phrase that comes to mind is what I have heard ever since I started going to Grace Community Church..."It's all about grace." The past several weeks have been just a taste of what I am certain is going to be a year where I lean on that grace more than ever. This requires some explanation...but first...

I have a confession to make...My name is Molly and I am a perfectionist. As a perfectionistic first year teacher, I put myself in danger of heading down a path of destruction. In holding unrealistic expectations of myself, I set myself up for failure. Not only that, but I also get in the way of Him touching those nine precious hearts He's placed me in charge of. When I worry and stress about having perfect lesson plans, a flawless literacy program, no behavior problems and a classroom that looks like it was pulled off the Mary Engelbreit website my eyes are clouded and I miss my purpose, but worse than that, I miss out on His grace.

Every morning I have the blessing of coming into work when the sun is just peeking out from over the mountains that surround our campus, reminding me that His mercies are new every morning. No matter how painful, stressful, tiring the day before was, He still grants me just enough strength to get through the next one. The minute I step foot into my classroom I've got to be intentional about laying down those unreachable expectations and remind myself of the lyrics to one of my favorite songs:

Your grace is sufficient for me
Your strength is made perfect
When I am weak
All that I cling to
I lay at your feet
Your grace is sufficient for me

I am starting to find out what people meant when they said that nothing in my teaching career would be as difficult as my first year of teaching. Although I continue to experience days where I feel like I have no idea what I am doing, I have a to-do list that never seems to end, and stress seems to be a constant companion of mine, I can't imagine being anywhere else. I was asked last week "So, are you just loving teaching?!" A twinge of guilt came with my honest answer of "Loving? I am not sure if that is the word I would use." It is kind of like asking a kid who's bruised and skinned up, "Do you just love riding that bike?!" when they haven't been able to ride more than a couple feet without falling. I am still working on getting the hang of the teaching thing, I am not a huge fan of the falling part. I do love getting to know my kids, I love working in the school community and I love the journey that our Heavenly Father has me on right now. As I get used to the days where I have no idea what I am doing, the long to-do lists and the stress, I am also starting to get used to tapping into His grace, laying those perfectionistic tendencies at His feet every morning and glorifying Him as I live out my purpose here on the other side of the globe.

Psalm 127:1-2 (Msg)
If God doesn't build the house, the builders only build shacks.
If God doesn't guard the city,
the night watchman might as well nap.
It's useless to rise early and go to bed late,
and work your worried fingers to the bone.
Don't you know he enjoys
giving rest to those he loves?

Allow Him to give you times of rest today as you live for Him. Tap into that grace:)

Some Pictures...

This is just a sampling of pictures from the new place we are living. You can find more by clicking on the "My Pictures" link on the right

This is our house in Kota Baru where me, Jennie, Emma and Emily live.

This is the bike I just purchased and am learning to ride.

This is my bedroom.

This is our school!

This is my classroom!

A Reason to Persevere

My journey back to the other side of the globe started off exceptionally well. I didn't have to pay overweight charges for my bags from Phoenix to Los Angeles. I ran into a former student of BAIS who ended up being on all my flights back to Jakarta. My carry-on was incredibly heavy because it had all my books in it. When the little man helping me picked it up and nearly fell over, I knew they were going to make me check it. Fortunately, they checked it free of charge. In an attempt to survive my journey on the airline made especially for the height of the Asian population, I requested a seat with more leg room. When the man across the counter asked "How about an emergency exit row?" it took everything for me to not leap across and give the little flight attendant a huge hug! I ended up getting an emergency exit row all to myself. That in combination with a Tylenol PM resulted in one of the best flights I have ever been on! When I got into Jakarta, I had to get a temporary visa because my paperwork was late getting to the states. The line was relatively short, and I was able to get a visa without question. All my bags arrived, and customs was a breeze. Jennie and I arrived at the same time and had planned to order a taxi to take us back to Bandung. Due to some computer problems, there was never a taxi ordered for us. Fortunately, the former student who was on my flight was meeting her family in Jakarta on their way to Bali, and they were sending their empty car and driver back to Bandung. We were able to hitch a ride free of charge. Like I said, my journey back to Indonesia started off exceptionally well...and the honeymoon period ended the minute we left Jakarta city limits.
When Jennie and I got home, we were surprised to find our house rather filthy and not exactly what we had expected, which didn't make sense. Over the summer, we hired our former Jaga (night watchman) and his family to stay in our house, keep it clean and work on some projects so the house would be ready when we returned. We hoped he would show up in the next day or so, but when we couldn't contact him by phone and hadn't heard anything for three days we knew there was a problem. We also realized that he had a copy of our house keys as well as the spare keys and registration to my roommates bikes. We talked to various families in the area to figure out what we should do next and talked to a few Indonesian workers at school who thought they might know where to find him. After about a week, we got a hold of him, he came to the house and we ended up giving him his things and sending him on his way. It was a really tough way to end things, especially because he had been working for Jennie for years.
In the meantime, our school was a bit in shambles because the moving process didn't exactly go the way we had hoped either. We had been careful to label all boxes and furniture with the correct room numbers so that the moving men could take them to their designated classrooms. Instead, they just dumped everything in the hallway of the first floor. Volunteers from church and families near the school came to help everyday to move boxes and furniture so that teachers could eventually set up their classrooms. Although this was an inconvenience, it gave us a few days to focus on getting at least one aspect of our lives set up--our house. Our helper had come out to clean the house and do laundry, and her husband came out to do some painting and work on some other projects that didn't get done over the summer. While in the process of making our house look more like a home, we were finding out more surprises like a waterfall in our backyard caused by a malfunctioning water pump, a beehive in our mailbox, simple appliances blowing the electricity, none of the water heaters working, and not being able to set up any form of internet. All resolutions to those issues are still pending:)
All this chaos and lack of control was really taking its toll on me. At the Pre Field Orientation training I went to this summer they showed us a culture stress model that showed that normally you experience a honeymoon period in a new country before the stress part kicks in. I had jumped straight into full blown culture stress the minute we drove into Kota Baru and I was starting to question whether I was going to be able to handle it, fearing all the other things that could possibly go wrong. Then I was reminded of the reason I am here. I am not here in Indonesia to have a house that is perfectly set up, I am not in Indonesia to have a perfect classroom with decorations and nice furniture. I am not in Indonesia to have a comfortable trouble free life. I am here to be used by my Heavenly Father to pour into the lives of children.
I am still learning how to handle the chaos and unfamiliarity of living out here. Everyday I am asking for eyes to see the little blessings in each day, and He has been faithful. My bedroom is all finished, my classroom has come together nicely, we've had some really sweet times of fellowship with the staff, and we are all looking forward to the students coming next week. I think episodes like what we've experienced already are only going to continue, which it is why it is so crucial for the staff at BAIS to come together and seek His face in the good and the bad. Please be lifting up our staff as we continue to learn how to adjust out here. He is still working and things are coming together. Our school looks like a school, our classrooms look like real classrooms:) The only thing missing are those kids who make BAIS what it is. Tuesday is the first day of school. At 7:35am, nine fourth graders will be walking through the door of my classroom. Nine fourth graders that I will get to spend 36 weeks with growing a learning together. That right there is a reason to persevere.

A Plethora of Pictures!

I have finally uploaded all my photos from the last year onto my online Picassa Website. Please check them out when you get a chance. There are a lot so you may need to do it in phases:)

http://picasaweb.google.com/mvioletpics

Bracing for the Waves

There’s a scene in Castaway after Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks) has lived on the island for four years, when he finally figures out a plan to get himself home. He has built this raft, he’s checked the direction of the wind, and he’s got a plan to tackle that huge wave that was an obstacle on one of his first attempts off the island. He and Wilson are all packed and ready to go. They venture out, rowing furiously as the waves fight hard to keep them from being successful. When he cuts the rope letting his sail come up he is able to get past that last hard wave. He is now in the clear, past the obstacle that kept him from leaving before and free to venture home away from this island he’s been stuck on for four years. He is full of excitement as he rejoices in his success, but excitement suddenly turns bittersweet as he stares back sentimentally. The music strategically slows as he realizes that the place where he felt trapped had really become his home, a place that molded and shaped him into the person he had become. As we watched this clip at PFO this week, I could feel his exact pain as he stared back at that place with a twinge of anguish and heartbreak. I am currently in that place where I can’t wait to leave, but I know I am having to say goodbye to a piece of my heart. That clip was the start of reflection on where I have been this last year, where I am right now, and where I am going this year.

It was about this time last year that I was getting ready to go student teach at Bandung Alliance International School. A year before that, I couldn’t even locate Indonesia on a map, let alone dream that I would ever live there. Shortly before leaving I met with my cooperating teacher who had just been to PFO. In our hour long coffee date she gave me a crash course in transition that basically told me I was going to experience some form of psychosis around October or November; so you can imagine that there was a little bit of anxiety packed in that suitcase along with my lack of expectations. I initially left for Indonesia planning to be there for just the semester. It was very outside my comfort zone, and most days I wondered what in the world I was doing on the other side of the globe. I was in the honeymoon stage of culture stress pretty much the entire semester, posting everything we did on my blog and seeking other new awesome experiences to share with people back home. In October, when that psychosis was supposed to kick in, something else happened. God and I had been talking a lot about working overseas, and my future in it. Throughout that honeymoon stage, He was revealing to me a version of myself that had been hidden deep inside while I was in my comfort zone back in the states. I was starting to come out of my shell with strengths and gifts I never knew I had. He made it clear that he wasn’t finished with me in Bandung. At that point I began talking to the school to see where they could use me that next semester, which throughout the spring semester became teaching high school and middle school ESL, helping with the spring drama, subbing when needed, and teaching PE during the last quarter. Needless to say, it was a very stretching semester for a rather extreme “J.” In fact, I think if I were to take the Myers-Briggs again, my score would be a lot different based on my experience in learning to “write with my left hand” this semester. On top of that I was finally experiencing transition and culture stress as I was trying to get used to this place that I could officially call my home. Where I was this last semester was a place similar to the scene where Chuck Noland battles the waves in the small yellow raft. A lack of knowledge about culture stress, third culture kids and being a single overseas made some of those waves a little difficult to overcome, but I am very thankful for the way He worked things out in His timing. If it weren’t for that, I would not be where I am right now.

It has been incredible to be at PFO after spending a year in Indonesia already. During the TCK talk, I had pictures of my students and various experiences I had last year running through my head. I have also been able to share some of my experiences this year and offer advice to my small group members. The part that hit me the hardest was the Transition talk about RAFT and saying goodbye well to those back home. When I left for Indonesia the first time, I was more than ready to leave the familiar, leave the drama, and step outside my comfort zone. With an anxiousness to leave, I fear I may have neglected some pretty important conversations of closure. I am so thankful that I kind of get a second chance at saying goodbye and really affirming the people back in Flagstaff that have become an even stronger support system for me in my absence. It was during that clip from Castaway that I described earlier, that I first realized how difficult it is going to be to leave Flagstaff this time. It took me leaving to fully recognize the impact it has had on my life. This time, I will look back with full appreciation of the way it has molded and shaped me into the person I am and since my return to the states, has encouraged and supported the person Indonesia has helped me become.

I am returning to Bandung Alliance International School this fall as a fourth grade teacher and I can’t wait to see what God’s got in store. This year will be full of firsts for all of us at BAIS with the new campus location, new housing for the teachers, and learning how to function in the unfamiliar. I will also be living with three other single girls, which will be fun, but is sure to have its share of challenges. In my relationships with those I work with, I hope to be more concious of personality differences, and more aware of how I work best with others. Although I had a great time last semester wearing many hats and learning how to be more flexible and spontaneous, I am looking forward to something with a little more familiarity. This year holds struggles of its own, but I am confident that BAIS is where I am supposed to be. Everyday I am humbled and stand in awe at the fact that the Creator of the universe has chosen to make me a part of the NICS story that is having such a great impact on young lives all over the world. I know that being a first year teacher will be difficult, but I feel well equipped and know that it is through my weaknesses that He is made stronger.

In his first attempt off the island, Chuck Noland was equipped with hardly anything but a small pathetic raft, a little bit of hope the goal to just survive. When those waves came, not only could his raft not hold up, but his hope was dashed. I survived my first year in Indonesia, but there were times when I definitely felt like Chuck, trying to battle the waves of culture stress and obstacles at school with hardly anything. Fortunately for me, I had my Heavenly Father, and I was able to get through this year of refining and came out stronger. My time at PFO has helped with those final preparations to get me off the island successfully. By the time I head back to Indonesia, I will have built my strong “RAFT,” and packed my bags with a little extra confidence and hope. I don’t want to merely survive the next two years, I want to thrive. I want to connect with my Third Culture Kids. I want to be a teacher of excellence, and I want to learn how to love the culture of Indonesia even more. The waves will still be tough, but I will get through them by leaning on the support of the “Wilsons” in my life, as well as my ultimate source of hope and confidence, my Heavenly Father.

So many firsts...

If I were to name a theme of this semester, I would have to call it "Season of Unexpected Firsts." Here are some from the past quarter, a collection of blog posts that I meant to make if you will:

• PE Teacher- Since I got back from the spring break, I have been teaching upper elementary and high school PE . I know, right? Molly Evans teaching PE?! I laughed when I found out too, so feel free to chuckle at the irony. It has definitely been a stretching (pardon the pun) experience, but I have really enjoyed getting to work with so many different classes.

• Drama Assistant- I was in charge of the stage crew people. For the first time ever I painted backdrops and helped design tickets and programs. I worked with a great group of students who worked really hard. The drama was a couple weeks ago, and it was so cool to have had the opportunity to be a part of something like that.
  

• Volleyball Coach- I had the most awesome experience coaching the girls volleyball team throughout the months of April and May. Ever since middle school, there has been a special place in my heart for the sport of volleyball, so it was such a blessing to get to coach for the first time. I co-coached with the fourth grade teacher. We had nine girls on the team, and although it was more of a learning season, I was so proud of their improvement from the beginning to the end. It was so much fun to get to share my knowledge of the game with them. It was also interesting to realize that I have been blessed with some of my father's competitive tendencies, thanks dad:) Our last game of the season was against some of the female teachers. The other coach and I played with our girls and put up a good fight, but lost three games to zero in the end. I had so much fun, and I hope to coach again next year.

• Housing Contract- Jennie, Emily, Emma and I finally got a house about a month ago, and because I will be here for the next two years, I got to sign the contract. It is a nice house in a nice development about a three minute drive from the school. We have a nice big living/dining room, five bedrooms and three bathrooms. It has been quite a challenge trying to negotiate all the little details that our Indonesian landlord doesn't always understand, but it has been really neat to see the Lord provide housing, not just for us, but for all the teachers one by one. It will be a challenge next year, learning how to live without the luxuries of Starbucks and the grocery store being right down the street, but it will be nice to have a good support system at home.

• Neighborhood Goodbye Party- Our school is moving at the end of July out of a community where we've been for over fifty years. We invited the Indonesian people that have worked at our school, as well as the helpers of the teachers at BAIS. It was a traditional goodbye party with music, stories, and Indonesian food. I haven't been here very long, but it was still cool to hear the stories of the legacy this place will have left.
  

• Pampered Weekend- We took a weekend trip to Jakarta at the beginning of the month. We took the train and stayed at a nice hotel near the good shopping and dining. One of the days we spent at the amusement park, that turned out to be everything an Indonesian amusement park should be:) One of the highlights was a new ride called Extreme Log. It was one of those simulation rides kind of like Soarin' Over California at California Adventure. Rather than para-gliding through the Sunshine State, you are a tree on the painful adventure of becoming a log. Nope, I'm not kidding. It definitely places as one of theweirdest things I have experienced here in Indonesia. We all came out a little confused, but got a good laugh out of it:) That night we went to see Iron Man at a luxury movie theater. This place was amazing! We each got our own personal leather recliner with a blanket and had dinner brought to us. That is definitely the way to see a movie, totally worth the $12!

• My own classroom- On each of our trips out to our new house, we always make sure we stop by the new campus to see the progress made. They are currently working on the main building where everything will be until we get enough money to build a separate auditorium, gymnasium and office building. It is going to be really nice when they finish it. Every time we go, I have to take a couple minutes to stand in my classroom and try to picture what next year is going to look like. I don't think it has quite sunk in that I will have my own classroom next year, but I look forward to the memories that will be made in there.
  

• Learning to say goodbye- When you live in a transient community such as this one, you have to not only learn how to say goodbye, but you've got to learn how to do it unexpectedly. There is no room to procrastinate when it comes to spending time with people, because you never know when they might be called somewhere else outside of Indonesia. As the year comes to a close, I am faced with the question of how to say goodbye to some co-workers who have become my family , and some students that have captured my heart over the past year. I'm not sure if there is a perfect answer to that question, but I do know that I can trust my Heavenly Father to help maintain those deep relationships despite the distance. While a little heartbroken, I am excited to see how He continues to work in and through them.

As you can see, this semester has been full of life changing experiences with a lot of learning, laughter, some stress, some tears, but above everything, full of His grace and provision. Along with these "firsts," I have learned what it means to be refined through the fire. Each of these experiences has held a special role in chipping away at a version of myself that was more prone to wander, wallow and worry. I am able to look at next year with new eyes that can face the fears of the unknown knowing I don't have the strength, but with utter certainty that He does.
I leave a week from tomorrow to head back to Flagstaff for the summer. I am excited to come home for a little break from the world of teaching and to get charged up for next year. My plans include lots of time to spend with you, catching up and sharing stories and pictures from this semester.

Here's a more detailed itinerary:
June 3rd- Arrive in Flagstaff
June 6th- Abby graduates
June 7th- 9th- Road trip with Abby to her camp in New Mexico
June 10-22- Hanging out in Flagstaff
June 23-July4th- Pre-Field Orientation in South Haven, Mississippi
July 4th-July10th- Visiting friend in North Carolina
July 10th-July 28th- Hanging out in Flagstaff
July 29th- Head back to Indonesia

You know you're a terrible blogger when...

Your co-workers start asking if you have retired your blog.

A post is in the works I promise:)