There’s a scene in Castaway after Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks) has lived on the island for four years, when he finally figures out a plan to get himself home. He has built this raft, he’s checked the direction of the wind, and he’s got a plan to tackle that huge wave that was an obstacle on one of his first attempts off the island. He and Wilson are all packed and ready to go. They venture out, rowing furiously as the waves fight hard to keep them from being successful. When he cuts the rope letting his sail come up he is able to get past that last hard wave. He is now in the clear, past the obstacle that kept him from leaving before and free to venture home away from this island he’s been stuck on for four years. He is full of excitement as he rejoices in his success, but excitement suddenly turns bittersweet as he stares back sentimentally. The music strategically slows as he realizes that the place where he felt trapped had really become his home, a place that molded and shaped him into the person he had become. As we watched this clip at PFO this week, I could feel his exact pain as he stared back at that place with a twinge of anguish and heartbreak. I am currently in that place where I can’t wait to leave, but I know I am having to say goodbye to a piece of my heart. That clip was the start of reflection on where I have been this last year, where I am right now, and where I am going this year.
It was about this time last year that I was getting ready to go student teach at Bandung Alliance International School. A year before that, I couldn’t even locate Indonesia on a map, let alone dream that I would ever live there. Shortly before leaving I met with my cooperating teacher who had just been to PFO. In our hour long coffee date she gave me a crash course in transition that basically told me I was going to experience some form of psychosis around October or November; so you can imagine that there was a little bit of anxiety packed in that suitcase along with my lack of expectations. I initially left for Indonesia planning to be there for just the semester. It was very outside my comfort zone, and most days I wondered what in the world I was doing on the other side of the globe. I was in the honeymoon stage of culture stress pretty much the entire semester, posting everything we did on my blog and seeking other new awesome experiences to share with people back home. In October, when that psychosis was supposed to kick in, something else happened. God and I had been talking a lot about working overseas, and my future in it. Throughout that honeymoon stage, He was revealing to me a version of myself that had been hidden deep inside while I was in my comfort zone back in the states. I was starting to come out of my shell with strengths and gifts I never knew I had. He made it clear that he wasn’t finished with me in Bandung. At that point I began talking to the school to see where they could use me that next semester, which throughout the spring semester became teaching high school and middle school ESL, helping with the spring drama, subbing when needed, and teaching PE during the last quarter. Needless to say, it was a very stretching semester for a rather extreme “J.” In fact, I think if I were to take the Myers-Briggs again, my score would be a lot different based on my experience in learning to “write with my left hand” this semester. On top of that I was finally experiencing transition and culture stress as I was trying to get used to this place that I could officially call my home. Where I was this last semester was a place similar to the scene where Chuck Noland battles the waves in the small yellow raft. A lack of knowledge about culture stress, third culture kids and being a single overseas made some of those waves a little difficult to overcome, but I am very thankful for the way He worked things out in His timing. If it weren’t for that, I would not be where I am right now.
It has been incredible to be at PFO after spending a year in Indonesia already. During the TCK talk, I had pictures of my students and various experiences I had last year running through my head. I have also been able to share some of my experiences this year and offer advice to my small group members. The part that hit me the hardest was the Transition talk about RAFT and saying goodbye well to those back home. When I left for Indonesia the first time, I was more than ready to leave the familiar, leave the drama, and step outside my comfort zone. With an anxiousness to leave, I fear I may have neglected some pretty important conversations of closure. I am so thankful that I kind of get a second chance at saying goodbye and really affirming the people back in Flagstaff that have become an even stronger support system for me in my absence. It was during that clip from Castaway that I described earlier, that I first realized how difficult it is going to be to leave Flagstaff this time. It took me leaving to fully recognize the impact it has had on my life. This time, I will look back with full appreciation of the way it has molded and shaped me into the person I am and since my return to the states, has encouraged and supported the person Indonesia has helped me become.
I am returning to Bandung Alliance International School this fall as a fourth grade teacher and I can’t wait to see what God’s got in store. This year will be full of firsts for all of us at BAIS with the new campus location, new housing for the teachers, and learning how to function in the unfamiliar. I will also be living with three other single girls, which will be fun, but is sure to have its share of challenges. In my relationships with those I work with, I hope to be more concious of personality differences, and more aware of how I work best with others. Although I had a great time last semester wearing many hats and learning how to be more flexible and spontaneous, I am looking forward to something with a little more familiarity. This year holds struggles of its own, but I am confident that BAIS is where I am supposed to be. Everyday I am humbled and stand in awe at the fact that the Creator of the universe has chosen to make me a part of the NICS story that is having such a great impact on young lives all over the world. I know that being a first year teacher will be difficult, but I feel well equipped and know that it is through my weaknesses that He is made stronger.
In his first attempt off the island, Chuck Noland was equipped with hardly anything but a small pathetic raft, a little bit of hope the goal to just survive. When those waves came, not only could his raft not hold up, but his hope was dashed. I survived my first year in Indonesia, but there were times when I definitely felt like Chuck, trying to battle the waves of culture stress and obstacles at school with hardly anything. Fortunately for me, I had my Heavenly Father, and I was able to get through this year of refining and came out stronger. My time at PFO has helped with those final preparations to get me off the island successfully. By the time I head back to Indonesia, I will have built my strong “RAFT,” and packed my bags with a little extra confidence and hope. I don’t want to merely survive the next two years, I want to thrive. I want to connect with my Third Culture Kids. I want to be a teacher of excellence, and I want to learn how to love the culture of Indonesia even more. The waves will still be tough, but I will get through them by leaning on the support of the “Wilsons” in my life, as well as my ultimate source of hope and confidence, my Heavenly Father.
